The player's—and her parents'—attitude towards the game are often tied into her performance. If she's hitting, fielding, or pitching really well, she smiles, she's happy, and her parents are ecstatic. If she has an off day, reactions can range from simply getting "down" to rage and tantrums.

I have also seen cases where a player herself is doing very well, but the team may be struggling and not "showing" as good as they should. In this situation, parents—and sometimes the player—may get very upset, talk about finding another team, dump on the current players and/or coaches, and generally create a very unpleasant environment. If you asked them why they were acting this way, they would tell you that the team's performance was hurting their player's chances for success.

Performance is important. No one would argue that a player who can't hit or field would probably not make it at the college level. But just as there are many different levels of collegiate competition and many different types of college coaches, there are many levels of success among players. The "blue-chip" player, the girl in the top one percent of all players, is, on her worst day, probably going to look better than a good, solid average player does on her best day. And college coaches know that even top athletes have "off" days now and then.

When recruiting, how much attention a coach pays to any given athlete may also depend a lot on whether or not the coach has a context for that player. In other words, when a coach just randomly stops at a field for five minutes to watch a team he or she has never seen, if your athlete struggles or is having a really bad game, the coach will probably move on and not pay her any more attention. However, if the coach had heard from her, seen her video and liked it, and knew your player was very interested in his or her college, he or she would probably take the time to watch more than one inning or even more than one game.

It's also good to remember that college coaches don't just look at mechanics or skill level when recruiting athletes. Although these things are very important, most coaches also look closely at a player's attitude, work ethic, sportsmanship, and other qualities that can't be measured by ERA or batting average.

It's completely normal for young adults to get discouraged, depressed, or frustrated when they don't perform up to someone's expectations, whether it be their own, their parents', or their coaches'. But learning to deal with this frustration is as much a part of being a successful competitor as is learning to hit a change-up or throw a curve. Softball is a team sport and failure is just sometimes part of the game.

When recruiting, many college coaches will try to look at an athlete's performance in challenging situations, and they will definitely be interested in how she copes with adversity. When the ump has a poor strike zone or the team isn't playing up to its potential, coaches want to know how the individual reacts. Does she throw her bat and helmet, stomp around angrily, sit and sulk on the bench or in other ways fail to adjust to the situation?

Loving the game and being competitive enough to hustle even when it's 90 degrees and you're losing will tell a college coach a lot about how you will cope with the demands of college softball. In between innings if you drag your butt out to your position at shortstop and just lob balls to the first baseman, laughing when you miss, this may give a college coach the impression you lack intensity and don't care about the fine points of the game.

If you sit in the dugout and sulk when the coach pulls you for a pinch hitter, or you pop up when asked to bunt because you really want to hit away, this may tell a college coach you're not a team player and you're only interested in your own performance.

Remember, you never know when a college coach or a scout is watching you. From the time you show up at a tournament or game, you should be performing—in every sense of the word—to the best of your abilities. Whether you're just hitting soft-toss during pre-game warm-ups or making a leaping catch to save the game, coaches may be watching. When you're carrying gear after the game or sitting on the bench keeping stats for your coach, someone may be watching. And a decision to recruit or not recruit you could be based on how you handle yourself in these kinds of situations.

Finally, parents should read this article several times and keep in mind that the same cautions apply to you. While coaches are scouting your player, they may also be scouting you. Although it seems far-fetched, I do know of situations where coaches have decided not to recruit a good athlete simply because they watched her parents "act out" in the stands and the coaches realized the athlete would probably not fit in with their team—or at least her parents wouldn't! It may be difficult for some parents to understand, but the reality is when your athlete joins that college team, you have to say goodbye. Even if you've coached her for 10 years, you will not have ANY input once she's in college. Where she plays, when she plays, what pitches she throws, whether she hits ... these are all decision the college coach will make without your help. And whether or not you like what the coach is doing probably won't matter a bit.