ATHLETE AND PARENT ISSUES

Q: When I was an athlete, we did whatever the coach told us to do. We never questioned his/her decisions about playing time, strategies used, etc. Now it seems that players and parents think they have a right to question or criticize almost every decision I make. What are their rights, and how can I prevent or handle such situations?

A: Coaches can do a lot to prevent some of these problems. At the high school level, a pre-season meeting with parents or letter to parents is highly recommended. Setting up behavioral standards for athletes is essential at the high school or college level. Athletes must feel that you are approachable and willing to address their individual concerns. It must be clear that such a conversation can only take place in a meeting in your office and cannot compromise the practice or contest environment. In addition, weekly or bi-weekly meetings with each athlete that address their goals, progress, etc. should limit unanticipated problems. You should never be making decisions that you can’t justify and, therefore, should not be reluctant to share that information. However, most of the problems coaches encounter when challenged about a decision revolve around time, place, and attitude of the person asking the question. Unfortunately, athletes and parents have a tendency to want answers and want them now even if it is during a practice, a game, or right after a game. In addition, athletes and parents like to gain support from other players or parents and, therefore, voice their opinions and solicit support in locker rooms and bleachers. Too often, when athletes or parents challenge a coach, they do it when they are angry. When you are faced with a situation like this, there are a few simple guidelines to follow:

    Tell the athlete or the parent that this is not the time or the place to discuss this and could they please call you tomorrow to set up a meeting.

    Never get angry and do not attempt to answer their question or respond to their criticism in any way. Maintain your composure.

    Prior to any meeting, inform the athletic director of the incident and ask for guidance. It is important that the athletic director knows what is going on before the parent calls him/her

    Though not always required, it is often a good idea not to meet with the athlete or the parent alone. Have the assistant coach, another coach, or the athletic director present

    If at any time the athlete or parent behaves in an uncivil manner or threatens you, end the meeting immediately and report it to the athletic director. �If you and the athlete or parent cannot agree and all issues have been discussed, end the meeting by saying something like, “It does not appear that we are going to agree. I have to make the decisions that I think are right.”

    In the case of a parent complaint you may want to finish by saying, “and my only suggestion is that you may want to pursue this further with my supervisor. Would you like his/her name and number?”

Key Recommendation

Dealing with parents can be very complex. Many coaches make the mistake of getting too close to parents which, in essence, allows them to feel like they have a certain amount of ownership in the program. Coaches should keep a respectful distance from parents and should not give them any reason to believe that they should have any say about training techniques, strategies employed, or anything else that is not directly related to the welfare of their own child.