Willie M

Teaching the real facts of life

By Lezlie PATTERSON - lpatterson@thestate.com

Some of the toughest lessons our kids need to learn aren’t taught in school.

And they are some of the hardest lessons to teach.

A Wisconsin author from has written “50 Rules Your Kids Won’t Learn In School.” The idea is to convince parents that there are things our kids need to learn that they won’t if we constantly coddle and rescue them.

“Too many parents aren’t willing to tell their kids two things: No, and they’re not willing to tell them the truth,” said author Charles Sykes.

“Ultimately, we need to teach our kids that they need to take responsibility for their life, and somehow we’ve gotten away from confidently raising independent adults.”

That’s because we’re not teaching them certain rules., such as:

• Life is not fair. Get used to it.

• You are not entitled.

• No matter what your daddy says, you are not a princess.

• Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t.

• Life is actually more like dodge ball than your gym teacher thinks.

• Humiliation is a part of life. Deal with it.

Sometimes, the best way to help our kids is not to help them at all. Sometimes, we need to let them fail, let them suffer the consequences and experience what happens when they forget their homework or leave their favorite baseball glove in the yard.

And sometimes, they need to experience not being able to do something they want to do. Even if they really, really want to do it and everyone else is.

“Too many parents are too worried about being their kids’ buddies and keeping them happy and entertained this week,” Sykes said. Instead, they should be worried about raising responsible adults — even if your kids pout about your decision and declare you the meanest parent ever.

“There will come a point that children are going to look back and appreciate it and thank you for it,” Sykes said.

Maybe they’ll realize some other things — as the author suggests in his book:

• Your parents and your little brother are not as embarrassing as you think. What’s embarrassing is ingratitude, rudeness and sulkiness.

• Your parents weren’t as boring before you were born as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, driving you around, saving for your education, cleaning up your room, and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are.

• Life is not divided into semesters. And you don’t get summers off.

• It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible.

• You’re offended? So what? No, really. So what?

Parents need to ask ourselves what it takes to make our kids competent, independent adults.

“Cool moms or the helicopter parents (moms and dads who constantly fly to their children’s rescue), I don’t think they ask themselves that,” Sykes said. “Too many parents think they can micromanage their children’s lives forever.”

But, we can’t. And we shouldn’t.

“Some day, they have to move out and be on their own, and make their own decisions,” Sykes said.

And we have to prepare them for that day, by allowing them to learn certain things:

• Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

• Winners have a philosophy of life. So do losers.

• You are not the first and you are not the only one who has gone through what you are going through.

• Don’t let the successes of other people depress you.

• You are not perfect, and you don’t have to be.

• Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point.

• Don’t forget to say thank you.